Decisions, Decisions: City vs. Suburbs
Do you dream of whisking your kids off to an idyllic childhood in the suburbs? Are you salivating at the thought of the schools (“better than private!”), the attached garages (“how convenient for groceries!”), and the parks (“no glass around here!”)? Are you finding the lure of those magical tree-lined streets, with their oversized houses and endless space, hard to resist?
As I sit here looking out of the window of my parents’ home in the English countryside and debating where in the world to settle, I’m reminded of our move from the city of Chicago to the North Shore suburbs five years ago. As a stay-at-home-mum from England living in the U.S., with a husband who worked away for a good chunk of every week, I’d decided that life would be better in the suburbs. One-and-a-half years later, I’d decided that it wouldn’t, and moved right back.
When I tell people I moved to the suburbs and back again, I’m generally met with a look of incredulity and the bald statement that they’ve never met anyone else who has (been foolish enough to have) done that. So I thought I’d share the main reasons behind our decision to swap our city condo for a suburban home and my own (slightly exaggerated) experiences once we finally got there.
The suburbs are beautiful
The city can be pretty gritty, crowded, and challenging when you have young kids in tow, so a visit to the suburbs can leave you in awe of their breathtaking beauty, especially on the North Shore of Chicago. Stunningly green, with beautiful old trees lining cobbled streets, the fairytale setting appears ideal for raising children.
My experience:
We found a quirky ranch home within walking distance of a quiet village bathed in the glow of year-round fairy lights. Nothing could disturb the idyll. Unfortunately, the lighting provided by the sporadic street lamps was so considerately inconspicuous that it was impossible to see the sidewalk in front of you if you ventured out after dark.
There’s a real sense of community
In the city, it can be easy to feel like no one cares, no one smiles and - no matter how vigilant you may be - you are guaranteed to step in dog poop at least a few times a year. It’s a transient place to call home because any fellow parent you befriend eventually moves to the suburbs. When you think about making the leap yourself, you anticipate the wonderful sense of community you’ll experience after years of harboring seething resentment at your upstairs neighbor with the heavy tread.
My experience:
I was more lonely in the suburbs than I had ever been in the city, even as a first-time mom of a newborn. During the first few weeks after our move, I spent hours walking around the neighborhood with my two young daughters, yet the only living souls I ever saw outside were landscape gardeners.
Everything is so convenient
Living in the city involves lots of walking, constant rushing to catch overcrowded public transportation, and the daily struggle of hauling babies, strollers, and groceries up and down endless flights of stairs. In the suburbs, everybody drives absolutely everywhere, and getting inside your house usually involves no more than three steps up to your porch.
My experience:
Having fortuitously secured a house with the coveted attached garage, and reluctantly accepted that walking was not the done thing in the suburbs, I soon found I could practically slide from the house to the car to the grocery store without ever raising my heart rate. I quickly put on more than a few pounds and noticed that the kids were a lot less active too. Plus, there was a Cheesecake Factory within a convenient 10-minute drive.
You get a yard
In the city, you’re in a very small minority if you have any outdoor space at all, and kids generally have to make a trip to a local park if they want to run around. What city parent hasn’t fantasized about letting their kids loose in their own yard to happily tire themselves out with minimal supervision?
My experience:
I was surrounded by nothing but expansive and expensive yards, yet I never saw a single child playing in any one of them. My daughters much preferred running around the local park with other kids than playing on their own outside at home. Plus, whilst we knew that a big yard would require considerably more work than our condo balcony, we hadn’t realized we’d have to tend to the garden all summer long in the heat of the day, only to be forced inside during the much more pleasant evening temperatures by the swarms of mosquitoes.
You get an actual house
Living in the city, it’s easy to become frustrated with condo associations and noisy neighbors, not to mention the difficulty of controlling tiny feet and voices when your kids wake up at 5am on a Saturday. The suburbs allow for freedom from the constant consideration of your neighbors and, of course, give you a lot more space.
My experience:
More space means more toys, more furniture, and more stuff, which I then had to clean.
You get to celebrate the holidays in style
During the holiday season in a condo in the city, you might throw a few decorations on your front window and have a handful of people over for a meal at your very small dining table. When you think about the holidays in your future suburban home, you envision your little family working in peaceful harmony to decorate the entire house and yard for the enjoyment of all your guests and neighbors.
My experience:
I stopped in the street one day, touched to see the unfamiliar sight of a family outside, seemingly working together to turn their beautiful yard into a stunning winter wonderland. Sadly, when one of the young men turned around, my gaze fell upon the name of a holiday decorating company emblazoned on his shirt. A big part of my suburban dream died right there.
I’d love to hear about your experiences of suburbia as I now contemplate swapping the city for the countryside!