How to Make the Holidays Less Stressful as a Stay-at-Home Mom

Are you feeling overwhelmed, obligated and stressed this holiday season as you think about the endless list of demands being put upon you all month long? Do you wish you could simply curl up on the sofa with a sense of peace and calm, whilst experiencing the joy of looking forward to everything this time of year has to offer? 

It’s entirely possible for you to eliminate your stress and enjoy doing all the things that are most meaningful to you right now - it all comes down to taking a moment to get clear on what you want to create for yourself, and reminding yourself to pause and come back to how this looks and feels for you often.

Stress is a reaction

The first thing to be aware of is that stress is a reaction, and that we have the power to choose how to react to any situation at any time. All of the feelings we don’t want to experience (such as overwhelm, pressure, resentment) come from being reactive to the demands we feel are being made of us. We think we have to follow this or that family tradition, that we must attend certain holiday parties, that we should take our kids to all the fun events on offer, and that we are somehow responsible for making sure everyone around us has a good time. 

But what do you want to look back on as you move into the New Year in a few short weeks? A heavy sense of having pleased everyone but yourself and having barely survived yet another holiday? A feeling of exhaustion; of being drained, depleted and totally done-in?

There’s no need for you to ever get to that place if you follow these three simple steps to a stress-free season:

1. Visualize your ideal holidays

Close your eyes and imagine a moment where this holiday season is exactly how you want it to be. Where are you? What can you hear?  How do you look? What about your home? How are you connecting with your kids? Your partner? And most importantly: How do you feel?

If you’re having a hard time visualizing, try taking a pen and paper and writing down what an ideal December day would look like for you, focusing again on how you want to feel. By doing this, you’re already beginning to change your story and get yourself on track to making whatever it is you see in your imagination your current reality.

If you’re already in a pattern of rushing and hurrying and panicking about how you’re going to get everything done this year, this simple exercise will serve as a powerful interruption, shifting your focus away from the path you’re currently blindly following and onto one you want to stick with. Keep revisiting this visualization and experiencing the emotion you want to feel often, especially whenever you sense the urge to return to your established patterns of rush and panic. 

I love the suggestion by Brain Coach Jim Kwik that you can choose to be either a thermostat reacting to the environment you’re in, or a thermometer setting the temperature (and thereby changing the environment along with you).

2. Make a list of everything you want to do

Making a list of all the things you want to do this holiday season will help you get clear on your priorities and, though it takes some time to do, will ultimately save you time because it allows you weed out the many things that don’t need to be on there at all.

When you’ve written down everything you think belongs on your list, take another look at it through the lens of what really matters to you this year, at this particular time in your life. Some holiday traditions, for example, might not represent anything you feel a pull towards doing right now, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be reintroduced in the future. Highlight everything you feel is important to you - the things you feel good about putting your energy and focus into - and make sure that you’re holding the visualization of your ideal holiday season in your mind. 

Then go through the list again and cross off anything that looks like a “should-do” to you. You’ll know if it’s a “should” if you get a feeling of pressure when you think about doing the thing, rather than a lightness and freedom that typically comes with a “want-to”. If you do experience a feeling of pressure, ask yourself where the idea to do that particular thing came from in the first place, and what result you’d be trying to get by doing it (“I should xxx, so that xxx”). When you look at that result, you may decide you want to go ahead with it, or you may choose to cross it off for this year - or for good!

Finally, put your list in order of importance so that you know you’ll put your energy into the things towards the top of your list before you consider trying to fit in anything you’ve decided is of lesser importance to you this year.

And remember that giving yourself permission to prioritize what you want and need does not make you selfish - in fact the very opposite is true. If you’re stressed out by your attempts to do and be everything to everyone - and, naturally, become drained and depleted in the process - that’s when you’re actually selfish because you’re existing in survival mode, and your focus is then wholly on your own fight to get through each day. Which then makes it impossible for you to even see anyone else’s needs! 

So allow yourself to experience the holiday season you want to have as the person you want to be this year, and you’ll be amazed at how everyone around you also benefits. 

3. Stop people pleasing

We so often tell ourselves that we’re only good or worthy if we meet some outside expectations that other people have of us, and this is compounded around the holidays because of the pressure towards togetherness and traditions. 

But when we’re always doing what other people require of us, and ultimately becoming dependent on their approval to feel good about ourselves, we’re never able to show up as our true authentic selves or have any sustained sense of self-regard.

Not only that, but when we don’t allow ourselves to say no to the things we really don’t want to do because of a fear about what other people will think, we only ever end up feeling resentful. And while we may think we’re the only ones who suffer here, we’re not actually being selfless - we often get a hit of dopamine when we do things we see as “for” other people, and we also deny the other person the opportunity to experience an authentic relationship with us. 

I love to remember this quote from Glennon Doyle at this time of year:

“Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.”

When you commit to protecting your time and energy, honor the priorities you make for yourself, and, most importantly, keep coming back to your visualization of how you want your holiday season to feel, you can truly create any experience you want for yourself - and take all the lessons learned into a New Year filled with possibility.

If you’d like help seeing what’s possible for you, click on the link below to schedule a free coaching consultation.