Why Celebrating YOU brings more Magic than any New Year’s Resolution
As we get ready to ring in the New Year, we often find ourselves feeling tired and depleted after the holidays, yet still forge ahead with making resolutions we’ll likely never keep. We look at all the ways things didn’t go as planned over the last twelve months and all the ways in which we continue to fall short, then set the unrealistic intention to become a whole new person once the clocks roll over.
Our brains are always busy gathering evidence to support the beliefs we already have, so when we focus on where we’re not measuring up as we look to the future, we don’t actually allow ourselves the chance to plant the seeds of growth and possibility for the year ahead.
So consider ditching the resolutions this year and choose instead to focus on all the things you’ve achieved in the last 12 months. Write down anything and everything that made you feel good, and include every single one of your accomplishments - however small. Once you get started with this you may be very surprised to find that you can’t stop!
Celebrating every single success in this way serves as rocket fuel for pursuing your dreams and enables you to step into the New Year feeling newly energized and full of self-confidence; wholly in the belief that you can design a life you love, whatever that may look like for you.
1. Celebrating YOU acknowledges that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be
If you didn’t get to where you wanted to be this year, or are just not feeling good about where you’re at right now, does that mean you failed where you wanted to thrive? Not at all!
I spent many years striving for my idea of perfection as a stay-at-home mom and became incredibly self-critical as I continually failed to get “there”. I would constantly berate myself for doing the wrong thing, being disorganized, handling a situation badly, or being late (again). “I’m such a mess!” I’d say to my three daughters, often in a light-hearted way. But this became the label I assigned myself, and I spent a good few years not liking myself very much at all.
So as you write your list of your achievements from the past year, take a moment to really sit with each one. Remind yourself that your kids would not be the people they are right now had you not shown up for them, and you would not be the person you are today had you not shown up for yourself through all the laughter and tears. Celebrate exactly that!
Because when you focus on your successes rather than all the things you didn’t do, and stop berating yourself for not living up to some ideal version of you, you’re acknowledging that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now. And letting go of the self-judgment and shame in this way, whilst allowing yourself to step fully into self-trust, guarantees that you’ll springboard your success as you start the New Year.
2. Celebrating YOU reduces your desire to compare yourself to others
Many of the things we’re telling ourselves on a daily basis are simply not true, but we see them as facts in our minds rather than the thoughts that they are. We often spend a great deal of time comparing ourselves to other moms - both in our lives and on social media - and our brains tend to automatically go to a place of believing that we don’t measure up.
What we have to remember is that the current story we have about ourselves is the only thing that determines who we compare ourselves to. If we’re experiencing self-loathing, we choose to compare ourselves unfavorably to people we deem “better” than us, whereas if we’re filled with self-love and self-confidence, we compare ourselves favorably to people who have not achieved what we’ve accomplished.
And yet the only thing that matters is who you are and what you want to create for yourself in your life. You always get to choose what works for you personally.
If we take the example of maintaining your home, you have the choice to adopt a regular cleaning schedule, hire someone to clean for you, or decide that you’re comfortable with doing less. You never have to strive for the perceived perfection you believe you’re seeing in someone else’s home (like I have many times with the stunningly beautiful Instagram account thegoodmanhouse) and you never have to compete with anyone but yourself. What’s important here is what makes you happy in your own home - and your own life.
Our brains are always going to be looking for the evidence of what we believe, so when we choose to focus on celebrating ourselves and seeing all the ways in which we’re doing great, we feel much less of a pull to compare ourselves unfavorably to others. Instead, our energy goes towards getting clearer and clearer on what matters to us - and when we see what that is, we feel empowered to really go for it because our focus is on what fuels us rather than what drains us.
3. Celebrating YOU improves your relationship
When you’re not acknowledging how amazing you truly are, this can also affect your relationship - often in powerful ways you may not be aware of.
If you’re feeling resentful or annoyed at your partner right now because you believe you only ever hear criticism and complaints from him, take a moment to question whether this is really what’s going on. The brain naturally glosses over anything positive we hear about ourselves and focuses instead on the negative comments we receive. And not only that, but if you’re feeling down on yourself and engaging in a lot of negative self-talk, your brain could also be making his words evidence of your own thinking (perhaps detecting criticism where none was intended).
But when you invest your energy in celebrating yourself and regularly look for all the evidence of the incredible ways you’ve shown up this year - whether that’s as a partner or anything else - your brain then actively seeks out more of this, finding it in both your own actions and in other people’s words and behaviors. The exact same sentence from your partner sometimes then opens up to an entirely different interpretation.
Of course that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be on the receiving end of criticism, but we can choose, if we want, to listen and be open to it, and perhaps look for the possible truth in it, rather than jumping immediately to defensiveness and resentment. Some criticism may hurt precisely because it’s true, and we always have the choice to be open to that being ok and deciding to learn from it, again without beating ourselves up about it.
Talking to yourself exactly as you would a friend - with kindness and compassion - is always helpful in such situations, as is seeing your relationship with your partner as a fantastic opportunity to really become aware of your thoughts about yourself. You then have the choice to listen to those thoughts now - or not at all.
So take this time before the New Year to acknowledge all of your achievements, and to really celebrate them off the page too - whether it’s with a dance party (my favorite), by sharing your successes with your partner, or by standing in front of the mirror and giving yourself a high five, as recommended by Mel Robbins in her book ‘The High 5 Habit’. It’s also fun to start a nightly journal of all the ways you've made yourself proud today, because as you begin to fill up those pages, you’re collecting more and more evidence of just how amazing you are.
And when we truly live into this celebration of ourselves, we become energized and motivated to show up in a way that makes absolutely anything available to us as we step into a New Year filled with possibility.
If you’d like to work with a Life Coach who will see you as your highest self and celebrate you from day one, click below to set up a free coaching consultation.