5 Steps to Self-Care Success for Stay-at-Home Moms this Mother’s Day
Twice a year I dream of an entire Mother’s Day spent doing nothing productive at all - one where I get to just be. As a Brit living in Chicago, I have two chances to make this happen because I feel entitled to celebrate both British Mother’s Day in March and a May Mother’s Day in the U.S. But every year, when my pilot husband gets his monthly schedule, those dreams fly out of the window and I prepare for a day like any other; just me and my three girls (our families live in England and Australia).
So I’ve put together five simple ways to practice self-care this Mother’s Day - a day where I’ll be celebrating who I am as a mum and reminding myself that I deserve to be loved, not just by my family, but by me, too:
1. Start the day with affirmations
Choosing to get up at least 15 minutes earlier than your kids lets you start your Mother’s Day with intention, rather than being forced to dive straight into taking care of everybody else’s needs. Start by looking at yourself in the mirror and saying one or two positive affirmations out loud, such as “I love and approve of myself,” or “I am a wonderful, capable being”. You may not fully believe these statements at first, and it may certainly feel more than a little weird to be talking to yourself in the mirror! But if you commit to doing this daily (I recommend following Louise Hay’s 21-day program in her book “Mirror Work”), you’ll find yourself slowly starting to turn your thoughts away from any self-criticism and beginning to truly believe the words you’re saying in the mirror each morning.
Next, take a few moments to write down five things you’re grateful for and why you feel that way. There’s a proven correlation between gratitude and wellbeing, and it - of course - makes sense that if we focus on the things we appreciate, we’ll feel much happier than if we’re approaching the day with apprehension.
2. Realize the power of your mind and put your thoughts to good use!
Decide exactly how you want to feel for the rest of your day and know that you have the power to choose, rather than simply react to events happening around you.
I love this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert:
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day.”
You absolutely can decide right now in your mind who it is you want to be and how you want to feel in being that person. Choose a word that represents how you want to feel today, and then start to take tiny steps to prove that the person who feels this way is exactly who you now know yourself to be.
For example, I know that I’d like to feel calm and connected with my daughters this Mother’s Day, so I can make the decision right now to start talking to them in a calmer voice, and commit daily to spending five minutes one-on-one with each of them. Small changes like this add up and soon begin to make a noticeable difference. In this way, you choose not to focus on what you’re struggling with and any lack (the feeling of not being connected), but instead you add in something new that gives you the evidence - however small - that you’re exactly who you want to be.
A huge part of self-care is knowing and protecting our self-worth. Know with certainty that you are worthy of feeling good, and that only you get to decide your worth! There is nothing you can do today, or any other day, that will make you be more worthy - so what you do or don’t accomplish in a given timeframe, or how much or how little of yourself you give to your children, has no bearing on this at all.
3. Play
Do one thing today that truly lights you up! Whether it’s dancing wildly, singing at the top of your lungs or painting a messy masterpiece with clashing colors; just try it. You’ll feel so exhilarated by the fact you’re doing something you truly love, you’ll soon realize that you want to make time for play every single day. And the bonus will be the awe on your kids’ faces when they see you shining with happiness, silliness and joy - so much so that they’ll be begging to join in too!
This is the absolute best way to spend Mother’s Day because when you’re playing, you lose all sense of time passing, and are brought right back to your true, authentic self. You’re not remotely self-conscious in that moment, and you feel fully alive and filled with joy. When you stop, you can’t wait to do it again!
If you have no idea what it is you’d even want to play, look back at what you loved to do as a child. Write down everything you can remember playing when you were little - things that you did over and over again and felt the same sense of joy and excitement every single time. Then, once you have your list, go through it again and put an asterisk next to any activities you could see yourself enjoying now.
You may find that the things you loved as a kid will look exactly the same for you then and now, such as riding a bike, skateboarding or playing tennis. Or they may look a little different - for example making friendship bracelets could become crocheting, or playing with play dough could mean you’d love pottery.
Get curious, be daring and be willing to give anything and everything a try because any one of these activities could absolutely be the key to unlocking your joy as an adult!
4. Get outside in nature
Break up the day by treating yourself and your kids to as much time as possible outside. The girls and I recently spent four months at my parents’ home in the English countryside and our daily walks made a huge difference to our happiness in what could have been a very difficult time under lockdown.
I was truly surprised that the girls would happily walk for up to two hours at a time, exploring streams and country lanes along the way. And I know that the fresh air and stunning scenery massively improved my mood every single time we went out.
Studies have shown that getting outside makes us have more positive thoughts, and that there’s a direct connection between time spent outside in green spaces and overall health. I love that fact that being outside - even in the city parks here in Chicago - gives me the opportunity to take a moment to really look around, to gaze up at the clouds, and to notice all the little things that never fail to amaze my kids.
Being outside also brings the benefit of feeling more connected as a family. When I look back at my childhood, my memories are almost all of being outside with my parents and siblings, rather than inside at home. Whether it was playing in the paddling pool, walking in the woods, exploring castle ruins, asking for help with making dens in the garden hedge, or learning how to make potions out of crushed flowers, those memories remain clear to this day and always make me feel good.
And, lastly, don’t forget that wearing out the kids in the fresh air can only help in getting them to fall asleep on time - giving you the precious alone time you crave!
5. Check in with yourself
Despite all your efforts, you might end up feeling disappointed that this isn’t the day you’d hoped for and, particularly if you spend time on social media, be resentful of the fact that you didn’t get to enjoy all the things other moms out there did.
If this is the case, take a minute to stop and check in with yourself (even if this means hiding in the bathroom for a few moments!). Ask yourself how you’re really feeling and pay very close attention to it - you deserve this kindness from yourself.
Don’t simply push whatever it is you’re feeling aside by getting on with the next thing and telling yourself you have to get over this for the sake of your kids. If you try to dismissively change how you’re feeling, you’ll find it’ll stick with you, no matter how hard you try to distract yourself from it.
Instead sit with it for a little while, see which sensations it’s creating in your body, and get curious about what it might be telling you. If you’re feeling resentment, for example, it could be trying to let you know that you’re not effectively communicating your needs for regular alone time to your partner. The feeling will inevitably pass, but it may give you just the push you need to finally discuss exactly how and when you can carve out some time to focus on yourself.
Whatever it is you’re feeling, accept yourself as you are today and, above all, show yourself plenty of love and compassion, as you would any dear friend.
I wish you a happy Mother’s Day, however that may look this year, and invite you to join my Facebook group ‘joyFULL mamas connect’ if you’re looking for a fun and supportive community of stay-at-home moms.