From Overwhelmed to Overjoyed — JoyFullMamaCoaching

Do you feel overwhelmed as a stay-at-home mom? Are you exhausted by the relentless demands of motherhood? Do you feel isolated and alone, and more than a little resentful that your partner gets to come and go as he pleases while you’re stuck at home? Do you see your life as repetitive and mundane, yet feel unsure about the life you actually want to lead?

I felt all of these things many times over for almost seven years as a stay-at-home mom, until the forced slow-down of the pandemic enabled me to find my way back to the things I’ve always loved doing, and ultimately back to myself.

One of those things I’m so happy to have rediscovered is reading before bed - I’ve read more books in the past year than I did in the last five! So I’m sharing six quotes I came across that have had a massive impact on how I live my life as a stay-at-home mom in the hope that they’ll prove just as inspirational to you, too.

1. “Play will change your mood, and eventually your life.” (Barbara Brannen)

Play for me means doing something that truly lights you up, and I discovered the incredible power of play in the very early days of the pandemic. One evening, as I was half-listening to the latest news while rushing to make dinner at our home in Chicago, I was stopped in my tracks by the sound of Les Misérables’ ‘On My Own’ playing in the background of a segment about the closure of London’s West End. “Turn it up!” I shouted over to my husband, and began singing along at the very top of my lungs, easily remembering the lyrics from endless hours spent playing the soundtrack on repeat over 20 years ago. By the time the song had finished, I was breathless and filled with utter joy.

I decided then and there to prioritize my own play - whether that be singing at the top of my lungs, dancing wildly or painting a messy masterpiece - every single day. I knew that this incredible feeling was what had been missing from my life at home, where my focus since becoming a mom had been firmly on keeping my head down and crossing items off my never-ending to-do list.

Now, no matter what mood I’m in, I make time to play every single day. I schedule it, and stick to my playdate with myself, just as I would with any important appointment. Because I know that within just a couple of minutes of doing whatever I’ve chosen to play that day (usually dancing!) the feeling of joy will come and my mood will improve almost instantantly.

If you can’t find any time alone for this, it’s fine to get your kids involved too. In fact, I love playing with my kids in this way because I get the added bonus of seeing the awe on their faces when they see me in my element; shining with happiness, silliness and joy.

You’ll very quickly find yourself feeling lighter and happier the more you play, and, over time, you’ll realize that you’ve stopped taking yourself (and your to-do list!) so seriously. And you’ll be amazed at how this one small ten-minute change to your daily routine has the power to completely change your life.

2. “Don’t let your passion be the perfection of your children. Because when you solely define yourself in relation to another, it’s not enough.” (Dr. Tovah Klein)

A year ago, if someone had asked me what my favorite song, favorite food or favorite outfit was, I would not have been able to give them an answer, despite being able to do so for each of my three daughters. I had somehow let any sense of self quietly slip away over the past eight years as a stay-at-home mom and had not had the energy or the inclination to do anything about it.

No longer knowing what your passions are beyond motherhood is something to rectify as soon as you become aware of it - after all, you were someone before you became a mom and you are still that someone now!

Once I discovered play, I quickly realized that this was the fastest and simplest way to find my way back to myself because when you’re truly playing, you are neither self-conscious, nor aware of time passing - you are simply lost in the moment and full of joy. Your true, authentic self quickly reemerges because you no longer feel the need to please others or suppress your own desires. Instead, you’ll feel much more inclined to start living your best, most joyful life - as only you know how!

If you no longer know what it is you love to play, think back to what you played as a child. Try that one thing that used to give you a strong sense of joy and excitement every single time you did it and see how it makes you feel now as an adult. What often happens when you start to play is that you rediscover a unique, maybe long-forgotten gift you’ve held within you all along, and perhaps even start to feel a pull to share that passion for the benefit of others and to contribute to the world around you.

3. “So what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things? One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.” (Rainbow Rowell)

I can’t tell you how many years I spent telling people I’d love to start a blog. Or exactly how much time and energy I spent ineffectually trying to solve all the problems I believed myself to be buried under (I spend too much time cleaning up, I can’t get my kids to play by themselves, I don’t know how to effectively meal plan or prep) so that I would have the time to actually sit down and do it.

I now know that the real issue was not the practical problems I believed myself to be facing, but rather that I had such a limited view of what was possible for me. That person - the stay-at-home mom who efficiently runs her home and has time for herself to dedicate to writing - was entirely outside of who I knew myself to be.

But, after coming across this quote, I decided to stop trying so hard to problem-solve and instead to spend that time and energy on adding ten minutes of writing to my daily routine. And so, with just one short paragraph a day, I became a writer.

If you’re wanting to change something about your life, don’t focus on what you’re struggling with and the lack, but instead add in something new that gives you the evidence (however small) that you’re exactly who you want to be.

I found that the wonderfully surprising additional benefit of doing this was that the more time I desired to put into my passion, the more resourceful and creative I became in finding quick solutions to the problems that had previously consumed me. Everything still gets taken care of as it always has been; I have simply found a way to get things done more efficiently, or to delegate them, or even to erase them from my to-do list altogether, freeing up much more time for me and what I actually want to do!

4. “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.” (Victor Borge)

When I came across this quote, I immediately realized that there had been a lot less laughter between my husband and I since our eldest daughter had been born. The relentless demands of motherhood seemed to have become more important to me than making the effort to have fun and enjoy each other as we used to. But, after I started to play every day, I noticed myself becoming naturally more playful in my interactions with him because I’d stopped taking myself so seriously. The lightheartedness I used to feel started to come back to me more and more.

This feeling also began to clear away the resentment I’d felt towards my husband for so many years about so many things - the way he could come and go while I was stuck at home, the way I felt I was always the one responding to the girls’ needs, the fact that I was primarily responsible for running our home…

So as we laughed a little more and I started to feel closer to him again, I began to speak up about what I really needed. I finally realized that what I wanted was to work together in partnership, rather than to keep playing the martyr role I’d adopted for so long.

Now many of the things that need to get done around the house or involving our daughters are still getting done, and often far better than I would’ve done them anyway! And I can take the time I need to write, and play, and put more of my energy into building us up as a team by talking about our dreams together, doing my best to really listen without distractions, and no longer assuming more than I am asking.

As it turns out, the resentment I felt for so long never even needed to be there in the first place!

5. “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day.” (Elizabeth Gilbert)

I used to tell myself I knew exactly how I wanted to feel as a stay-at-home mom (calm, in control, connected, joyful, present, playful, energized) and that I’d feel that way when I:

learned how to keep my home tidy/came up with an efficient cleaning schedule
learned how to meal plan and prep so that I wasn’t scrambling to put together dinner at 6pm every night
learned to leave enough time for things so that I no longer showed up late
learned how to get myself to bed at a decent time so that I’d have more energy.

And the whole time I was telling myself this, I was judging myself for not yet being the person I so wanted to be. Both of these things were draining my energy, and left me feeling too overwhelmed to even try to make the changes I wanted to make.

But when I read this quote, I finally realized that I have full power over what I think and how I choose to feel - right now.

I stopped telling myself the same-old stories - that I had always been disorganized, that I was a terrible planner (and cook, for that matter!), that I would always be late for everything, and that I needed to stay up late because it was my only chance to get my alone time in. Instead, I told myself that I hadn’t yet realized what was possible for me and I had been doing the very best I could with the awareness I had at the time.

And with this new story, the weight of that judgement fell away and I felt so much lighter. I suddenly wanted to start thinking about everything I do want, rather than just telling myself I did not want to feel overwhelmed any more.

I’ve found that the best way to explore this is to regularly write down exactly how you want to live your life day-to-day, focusing primarily on how you want to feel. What is your relationship with your kids like? With your partner? How do you look? What about your house? What is your money situation? What are your dreams for this year? And the next?

And when you’ve written it all down in as much detail as possible, re-read it several times. By doing this, you begin to change your story, and then, by taking small action steps every day, you get closer and closer to making it your reality, celebrating every time you see the evidence that it’s all unfolding as planned.

6. “We’re like snow globes: We spend all of our time, energy, words and money creating a flurry, trying not to know, making sure that the snow doesn’t settle so we never have to face the fiery truth inside us - solid and unmoving.” (Glennon Doyle)

This quote quite literally took my breath away because I have spent years rushing around, being late, and never pausing for breath - without ever even questioning why I was doing it. I’d always just believed there was not enough time for me to do everything I had to do as a stay-at-home mom - I felt I had to diligently get everything on my to-do list crossed off whilst simultaneously being everything to my kids. With a pilot for a husband and family far away in England and Australia, I felt like I had no choice but to do it all without pausing for breath during this particular season of my life.

But when I read this quote, I immediately saw that my busyness was a choice I’d made to prevent myself from having even one minute of quiet to examine how I really felt about my life or what I really wanted from it.

I also realized that by staying in this constant state of busyness, I was choosing to stay safe in my life and hide. Finding a rhythm as a stay-at-home mom, and feeling balanced enough to start to prioritize myself, only opened up the possibility that I would find something I loved, something that’s uniquely me, that would then create a feeling of wanting to share my gift to contribute to the world. And that certainly felt very scary to me. But I see now that staying in my comfort zone was of no benefit to me at all - or to anyone else for that matter!

So if your life doesn’t look like the one you dreamed of, ask yourself if you’re also choosing to stay safe and whether you could imagine being ok with not always knowing the outcome. Stepping into the unknown in this way allows you to fulfill your dreams over and over again, pushing you further and further each time, and making you entirely limitless in your brilliance. All you have to do is have the courage to start.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these quotes and would love to know which one is your favorite. If you’d like help in seeing how any of these concepts could transform your life as a stay-at-home mom, please reach out by sending me an email at jojoyfullmama@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you!

From Overwhelmed to Overjoyed in Six Quotes (or less!)